dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
