ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i would punch a child for taco bell
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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