Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
