my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
