3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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