I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
