just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
