She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
