Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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