It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
