I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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