Can i not drive my cunt home
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
