How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
