Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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