Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
