Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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