Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
