I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
