i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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