i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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