I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I see more hoeing in ur future
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
