I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
