Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
