we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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