I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
