absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
