I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
