Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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