Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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