...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
