I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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