I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
