It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
