i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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