It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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