If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
