i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we're making bets on your personal life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
