I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
