I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
