Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
