i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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