I bet he comes in French.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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