Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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