The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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