So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
only you would photoshop your dick
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
then he tried to convert me to islam
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
