I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
