It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
