Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
