I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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