Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
