i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
