Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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